Digital Underground - uXu - Underground eXperts United #uxu-025

### ### ### ### ### #### ### ### ### #### ### ### ##### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ##### ### ### ########## ### ### ########## ### ### ### ### Underground eXperts United Presents... ####### ## ## ####### # # ####### ####### ####### ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## #### ## ## #### # # ## ## ####### ####### ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ####### ####### [ 101 Uses For The "Tower Of Power" ] [ By THE CHIEF ] ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ ___________________ | | | --------------- | | | # # ##### | | wOw! | | # # # | | | | # # | | Awesome! | | # # # | | | |_#___#___#___| | Amazing! |_________________| ------------------------------- Cool! | [] _____ | | |_____| | Unbelievable! | |||||||||| |_____| | ------------------------------- Super! /xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx\ /xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx[ ]\ /___________/===========\___________\ \___________________________________/ I bet you all have your old XT stuffed away in your basement or perhaps under that dirty laundry in your cupboard, but no more! Today, we will learn how to still have fun and pleasure with our ancient friend! How unbelievable that may seem. First a few words about what "other" people say about their XT. Most of them claim that they have upgraded it to be as fast as any 286 of today (no one actually admits they really have an XT because that's really embarrassing). Second, they say it will out-run any other computer known to man. After you have explained to them that there are faster computers, say a ZX81 or something the standard "corporate computist" never have heard of, he/she will immediately say that "Actually, I just borrowed it from my dumb neighbor to see if it was faster than my, hmm.. ZX81!" and then they go on. (Yes, it's true! Most XTs are owned by company-computists who spent their lives in front of mono VT52- terminals.) Now let's see what we can do about them ol' XTs. ## ###### ## ### ## # ### ## ## # ## ## ## # ## ## ## # ## #### ###### #### USES FOR THE "TOWER OF POWER" 1) ..as a toy for the kids. Just do a little lobotomy, make four small holes symmetrically placed in the four corners of the box, and insert some skateboard wheels (just use the average "hammer and nail" way) into the holes then take a piece of rope, fasten it to the two front-nails and you'll have a nice toy-car for your kids. You can use the motherboard as seat. Hint: The 5 1/4" DD works great as a pedal or gear-stick. Another great hint: Place the monochrome in front of the box, connect it to your video and insert the tape with Cannonball Run II. It gives You a chance to participate in the race! 2) ..as a collection box. This will replace your old C-64 collection box, because it is so BIG! You will be amazed when you realize how much you actually can fit in this "tower of power". In fact, you could use it as a collection box for your old C-64 collection boxes! You could fit as many as four or five of them even! If you already have thrown out those C-64 boxes as the rest of us, you still can make use of this great piece of equipment. Video tapes, cassettes or those operating system manuals are ideal too. Those long print-outs are also well placed in one of these. Hint: The motherboard is very useful as a separator if you choose to have different things in the box. Also, the 5 1/4" DD works wonders as support for books. 3) ..as a place for your pet(s). Is your dog complaining about the hard floor? Does your ants seem to disappear one by one, just to re-appear between the slices of toast, in your bed or just in your shoes? Then you have a chance to change all that! The XT is a wonderful home for any pet. Lots of things to explore on the motherboard, the 5 1/4" DD and if you're fond of your pet, you can plug it in, to keep your pet warm, to have ventilation and your pet will always have light from the green "power" light. 4) ..as a plate. Imagine the faces of your guests when you serve soup in an old XT! What a great way to show them you're a professional! Other good meals are macaroni surprise, mashed potato or just about anything clammy, floating will do. Then just smash the motherboard and mix it with the meal. Your guests will never notice and you'll save money too! 5) ..as a fruit bowl. Here we have a great thingie to surprise your friends. To show them you're a real "hacker", you should at least have a couple of these placed on strategic places. If they don't seem to notice them, just leave the motherboard in there, mixed with the fruit or candy. When they get an 8088 instead of an apple, I promise you, they will notice. Wonderful at parties to break the ice. 6) ..as fireplace. This one is quite neat. You can use it both inside and outside your house. Great for those garden parties where you can fill the box with coal, spray some lighter-liquid on it, and light it up! Then, place the pan, or whatever you generally use and then meat, hamburgers, hotdogs or whatever you're having. No risk of fires and the smoke will leave through those screw-holes on the sides of the box. You'll never get that nasty, sticking smoke in your hair or eyes again! Inside the house, it makes a great cosy fireplace for those cold and rainy nights and you won't be disturbed by smoke or anything! 7) ..as a bird's nest. Hammer a nail through the bottom of the box. Take the bottom of your old C-64 and place it like this: |---------> The XT Box -------------- | ( ) | | ( --)---|-----> The C-64 bottom | ( ) | | ( ) | | ( ) | | ( ) | | ( []-)---|-----> A Small hole for the A piece of wood as ---->|------------| birds to enter & exit a place to land on -------------- Then just climb up a tree, and fasten it with the nail in the bottom of the box to the tree. Voila! A great house for the local bird family. 8) ..as camping-trip toilet. Just put some soft stuff on the sharp corners at the top like a sweater, t-shirt or something and you'll have a great time. Hint: Make a 16x16 cm hole in the bottom of the box if you intend to use it outside. Another hint: DON'T if you plan on having it inside. 9) ..as a goldfish bowl. All you have to do here is to cut a 8x8 cm hole in each side of the box and replace the metal with glass or plexiglass. Fill the box with water, and put the fish in there. Your fish will Love the 8088 chip, circuits and resistors as decoration, and can easily find its place in life, as well as get an education in ancient electronics. 10) ..as a shoe-box for all of the neighborhood kids and yourself. 11) ..as a foot & water-hold for your christmas tree. 12) ..as a hair-dryer. Just plug it in, and you're on your way! 13) ..for those gang wars. Surprise your enemies by hitting them on their heads with an old XT. They'll be too surprised to fight back. 14) ..to keep your shrinked heads collection in order. When the police arrive to search your house for those missing persons, they'll never look inside your running computer! Great hiding place. 15) ..as an electric chair. Think of all the fun you'd have, connecting the metal box to the high voltage outlet, making small hand-cuffs on the edges and use the monochrome monitor as the back of the chair. The fella you want to execute sure won't suspect a thing when you ask him to "sit on your computer". Then turn on the monitor for starters, to get that extra static electricity runnin', and then, Pull the power-lever. SZZZZZZZZZZT! (frickle) (giggle) As a bonus, you fry that boring 8088 too. 16) ..as something to tie to the end of a "just got married" car. 17) ..as luggage! You can pack your condoms, toothbrush and whatever Your "thing" is into one of these. Perfect for those one-nighters. 18) ..as a skateboard. Just apply the same rules as on No.1 but disregard the rope-thing. 19) ..for practical jokes. You can use the XT for about 82 practical jokes. Just think for a while and you'll be fine. We don't write those here for your own pleasure/safety. We just let you know that there Are 81 good practical jokes. 20) ...to write dumb-ass textfiles on how to use one. So, with 82 practical jokes and 19 other uses, we have filled out quote of 101 ways. Stay really cool! ______________________________________________________________________ (!) 1991 THE CHIEF & uXu Productions ______________________________________________________________________

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