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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ 'Twas the Night Before Christmas ] [ By DIzzIE ]
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"'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS" ~A VERY DIzzIE VERSION!~
BY: DIzzIE 2000!
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, for they were all passed out
or throwing up in the outhouse.
The landmines were placed in the fireplace with care,
In hopes that that fat fuck, Santa,
would soon land his fat as in there.
The children were nestled in tiny, chopped-up pieces,
all snug in their body bags under their beds,
While LSD-induced visions of wild happy murder
swam in our heads.
And the weird LSD-induced talking marshmallows,
and I with my gun,
Had just settled into our new hummer,
for some fun hit-and-run.
When out on the road, right under our car,
there arose such a clatter,
I grinded the engine, backing up thoroughly over the,
now mangled, matter.
Away to the in-floor window I flew,
or rather drunkenly stumbled,
"I can't fucking see anything!"
I angrily grumbled.
I opened the car door, and behold what a sight:
for on that bed of red stained snow,
I saw lots of carnage and gore,
and a fat bloody head was beginning to show!
When what to my cloudy dilated eyes
should appear,
But a dead drunken Santa,
holding an empty six-pack of beer.
Around him were, eight, yes eight,
dead little youngsters
I knew in a long, semi-erotic moment,
that I killed St.Nick and his special hustlers
More rapid than my ejaculation,
his moaning cries came,
He yelled and he cussed
and he called his dead children by name:
"Aaargh, FUDGESTICK! Screw, SHIT-O! Fuck, FUCKER and SUCKER!
You bitch, HITLER! You've been fucking, NIXON! Kill STALIN and CLINTON!"
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
He threw up, vomiting internal organs,
and blood fell on all!
As dead bodies that during the wild wars
like hurricanes fly,
When they meet with an obstacle,
splatter on into the sky.
So up on my housetop that drunk fucker
started to crawl,
When I wiped out my machete
and we got in a brawl.
And then, in a grunting,
I heard on the ground,
Was one of the hustlers, faithful Hitler,
was bitching around.
As I was slicing and dicing
that little bitch into Hell,
Santa stumbled,
and down the chimney the dumbass fell.
As I heard the explosions,
I rushed into the house and saw the Fat One himself!
He was smelly and bleeding and his costume was burned,
I knew at once that his head belongs in a bottle on my shelf!
A bundle of odd humps he had on his back,
They were pussing and oozing,
and with my trusty machete
I gave them a whack.
His eyes -- how they bulged!
His screams, how merry!
His humps were like volcanoes,
the blood and puss oozing like lava!
His sad little mouth was twisted in anguish,
from all the pain that my blow did endow,
And I ripped off that annoying fucking beard off dirty-ass chin and
shoved his dumb face right into the cold uncaring hell that was the snow.
With the stump of the axe I began to hit him in his motherfucking teeth,
And I turned and twisted his fat rancid neck
into a meaty Christmas wreath.
By now, he had his face completely fucked up,
and I proceeded to fuck with his plump little belly,
That shook, when he moaned, and nauseated me,
like that one slut, Kelly.
He was carved up and dead,
I tore off every fucking limb!
And I laughed when he asked me for mercy,
FUCK HIM!
A wink of my eye
and my twist of his head,
Soon gave him to know
he had all the world to dread.
I let him speak not a word, but, carving knife in hand,
went straight to work,
I carved up his insides, and ripped out his penis,
giving a hefty painful jerk.
Laying his cock on top of his skull,
And giving a swing with my mighty mallet,
I smashed it all, and then
there came a sweet, sweet lull.
I hauled his fat corpse out to his sleigh,
and set it all on fire,
And then I joined in,
in the blasphemous singing of the unholy choir.
At last, I grinned and proclaimed,
as my eyes glazed over and I began to lose sight,
"This poem has been a bitch to write,
I wish you all a night full of bed-wetting, a fucking miserable plight!"
Merry Christmas from DIzzIE, go out and fuck a reindeer!
email me: xcon0@yahoo.com
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uXu #590 Underground eXperts United 2001 uXu #590
http://www.uXu.org/ - info@uxu.org
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