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OBS! Denna textfil ingår i ett arkiv som är dedikerat att bevara svensk undergroundkultur, med målsättningen att vara så heltäckande som möjligt. Flashback kan inte garantera att innehållet är korrekt, användbart eller baserat på fakta, och är inte heller ansvariga för eventuella skador som uppstår från användning av informationen.
### ### ### ### ### #### ### ### ### #### ### ### ##### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ##### ### ### ########## ### ### ########## ### ### ### ### Underground eXperts United Presents... ####### ## ## ####### # # ####### #### ####### ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## #### ## ## #### # # ####### ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ##### ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ####### ####### # # ####### ###### ####### [ The Anti-Apocalypse ] [ By Peter Hogg ] ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________ T H E A N T I - A P O C A L Y P S E * * * I. DECLARATION OF INTENT 314 1. God's Enemy I prayed and humbled myself before God invaded my soul, seized my tongue, and said through me, "Because your devotion exceeds that of all men and women on Earth you are my secretary and my witness. I will show you the past, the present, and the future. You shall be my ears, eyes, and mouth. For Mankind you shall record in words what you witness, but you shall not judge, and you shall not record my thoughts." "Oh Lord," I protested with downcast face, "but words are the cause of all the manmade pain and suffering on Earth." Lord Hegemon said, "Every word does violence by generalizing and dividing, but you shall aim your words at the evil ones for the benefit of the living whom I love." Then Almighty Lord Hegemon wrapped my long hair around his fist and carried me to a burning city. From a distance he showed me the immortal spirit of revenge, the infamous descendant of Satan who sat on a throne of fire. Around his hairless head was the pheonix crown. Hung from his neck was an iron placard with the words 'Braggart' and 'Complainart.' Lord Hegemon whispered to me, "Behold the Beast, alias Idolt Hitlore, the one who calls himself Emperor Oshaman Bink Ader. He was chosen by Satan to destroy me. His military support will be formidable. Armed with the Scriptures of Science he will win the whole world to his side. Why don't you tremble? Are you not afraid for me, little maggot?" "Lord Hegemon, I am afraid, but not for you but for him. Everything men do to destroy God only works to magnify your name, and even death improves your life." Lord Hegemon whispered, "Do not be deceived. The one you see is the Anti-God. He has the power to persecute me and to empty the temples. Behold the weapon in his hand: it is the most destructive weapon ever created. With it he will banish love of God from the minds of men." I looked at the weapon. It resembled a cracked and spotted egg. The Lord trembled and said, "What you see contains the fivefold power of Fear, Horror, Hatred, Despair, and Indifference. The Beast will use them against all who believe in me, and with them he will defeat me." Then a wind brought the heart-wrenching cries of 11 million babies to my ears. I looked upwards, and ranged in ranks upon the clouds I saw the angels watching with telescopes. 2. The Motive for War Then the mighty Beast of the Burning City held up his iron fist and roared, and his roaring reached the four ends of the Earth and terrified the hearts mankind. Thus did he speak, "I will punish you for my own pleasure and amusement! I am coming for vengeance because you killed and you insult the hero who brought you spiritual fire! Because you sided with God against Satan, the helper of Mankind, I will drive into your brains the nail of your non-existence! Because you gave Satan's death little thought, and did not consider its omnichronous power, I will teach you to be more generous! Because you rejected the spirit of death I will deliver you to the body of death! Because you strive to extinguish Reason you will suffer unreasonable violence! Because you love the fruit of ignorance I will torment you with knowledge! Because your gods and your God are the cause of all the evil on Earth I will rip them from your hearts! Because you dismissed Satan's power I will press my will upon you! Verily you shall pay for your ignorance, and the currency you shall pay with is Fear, Terror, Bitterness, Suffering, and Death! I will purge God from your minds, and woe to the ones who do not pay, for you shall be called 'Atheists,' 'brides of Satan,' and you will be Satan's companions when he returns from Hell. These promises shall be accomplished, even if I too must die! Blessed are all who survive my work, for they shall know God." II. THE SEVEN WARNINGS 265 3. Letter to Africa To the Theists in Luanda Hitlore sent these words, "From my post on Ayer's Rock I see that Africa has not yet suffered enough. For you Africa I am mixing a potion that will burn forever on your heads! I know how you are deep in debt, but you must go deeper because you refuse to think until death strikes! But do not be afraid, for I am coming to give you the inspiration to pay your debts! I will rain the fire of science upon your heads! My horrors will drive you to beg for the shackles and whips that bloodied your ancestors. Compared to the freedom I bring your slavery is boring. Uncontested I will invade your land, and your countries will shake as if I were passing through the Earth, and your nations will crack like old china, and you will cry out, 'Why didn't the scientists warn us?!' Your scientists know nothing of importance! My modern prophets you ignored! They brought you increasingly greater horrors and clearer signs, but you refused to read their forecast! Now it is too late! If you convert to save your skin I will snatch the Sun and roll it over your backs! Woe to you who are spared from my fire, for you will suffocate in the smoke of burnt meat. Then there will be silence in your houses of worship. Your vain celebrations will be extinguished, and you will pray for Eternal Death. Do not ask, 'What did we do to deserve this? Did we kill Satan?' A thousand times a thousand times you rejected Satan's self-consuming flame. Therefore listen and be afraid, and believe me when I say that I am coming to incinerate your dear beliefs. With terror I will lead you through the four ages of Hell, and the journey shall not end until infinite pain and despair compel you to wear my crown and until the overwhelming pain prostrates you before Eternal Death." 4. Letter to Europe To the Theists in Paris Hitlore sent these words, "I know you have a reputation for being cultured and civilised, but Europe is a fat gluttonous philistine. Europe will squirm on the spear of Achilles because she dreamt she could condemn Satan to yesterday's superstitions. You, Europe, you think civil rights and democracy makes you free, in reality you keep your poor frightened minds locked in cages. You cling to your precious little ideas and words. You worship 'freedom' and you lick its feet just as your ancestors licked God's ass! But now because you love freedom I will bring it to you in spades. I will smash every obstacle, every prison, every parliament, every school, and every church, and then I will thunder, 'Think without walls!' Your beliefs make you the laughingstock of the wise. I am truth and reality, but to you I will be the widow maker. Because you married Hegemon for his illusory wealth and might the black widow will drag you into her web! You think, 'God will save us. God will control our thoughts.' Must I pour heavy water through your ears? Your nothing-God cannot help you. Today you think 'God loves me,' tomorrow you will bleat like lambs at Passover. Like children in the crib you will cry, 'Why did God abandon me?' I am plotting ahead in Africa, (I am already here) and when I leave everyone will know what loneliness is. On that day the spirit will be crushed, the dead will litter the streets, and the survivors will say, 'Why should we bury them? Life is too short.' Oh Europe, because I love you I designed a coffin for your Gods: the wood is your bodies, the nails are your pain, and my hammer's name is 'The New Germany'!" 5. Letter to Asia To the Theists in Beijin Hitlore sent these words, "Woe to the people of Asia who think, 'Why should I care if Europe slaughters itself?' And you call yourselves human beings? You think you are innocent, but holy excrement stains your lips and your guilt stinks to high heaven. Some dared to call themselves Communists, killers of God, but they too cherished hopes, and all hope reeks of God. Proud Asia says, 'We don't need hope! We are perfect and happy!' Don't flatter yourselves little rebels. I will crush you with my brows. When I come your widows will scream, 'Leave us alone dragon! Go back to the sea!' And your men will boast, 'We too can protect our beliefs with nuclear bombs.' I am so frightened. Your hair- splitting atoms and your nuclear fire cannot protect you from the Son of Satan. America is one step ahead of you: have you not seen my secret army among you? Now the flame of renunciation is already inflaming your nerves. Do not tell me 'We have enough enemies within!' Your Hindus fight Muslims, and your Muslims fight Buddhists, and your Sikhs fight Hindus: why? Because religion seeks self-destruction! Now I challenge all the gods to come down from their high places to prove whether God or Man is superior. I command Buddha to piss on the illusion of Allah. I command Krishna to capture the impostors and drag them to prison! But the gods are little girls, therefore I am coming, a no-God, an anti-God, to purge your dream-gods from the Earth. Be patient proud and sick children, and be amazed by my healing powers. A little punishment invigorates, and one man's insanity is another man's cultural revolution." 6. Letter to North America To the Theists in Washington Hitlore sent these words, "You think you are mighty and powerful, but I see quavering cowards and among you I hear the silence of the lambs. You think you are safe, but deep in the darkness of your thick skulls you fear there is no escaping me. If I must dig a hole through the Earth and drag every American into Hell it shall be done. If the son of lightning must bridle thunderclouds to chase you down I shall not fail. No one can hide from the supreme author of every spiritual crises. My messengers will burrow into your skulls and plant the seeds of terror and death. Send your young men overseas to track me down: I will welcome them with five million forms of death. Do you think your soldiers can enforce peace on Earth? Idiots! America knows nothing of spiritual peace. You are a raging, frothing, struggling, and confused heap of stupid ideas. But don't let me stop you from following your dreams. Send all your troops to find me: the more the merrier, for me at least, for I do hate travelling. Please send nuclear missiles and rockets to untidy my network of ever changing subterranean caves: I will send you a superior fire-power. I am safe, but America is in danger because America cannot leave America. I am the Earth Serpent who burrows uncontested through the apple. If you cut off my head I will grow another and multiply my power. I am the bomb waiting to be detonated in your thick skulls. Send your best Americans to find and destroy me. Send me all your presidents, senators, governors, and ambassadors, and send me your best nuclear physicists and all your philosophers. What use are common soldiers? If you speak rationally and happily about the death I bring I will spare you, otherwise you shall eat the flame of the East." 7. Letter to South America To the Theists in Brasilia the German Beast sent these words, "Far, far will I reach. I will rise up in Bogota wielding a chip whose fire is Hellfire. The Mulatos, Latinos, and thoroughbreds are already praying, 'God will not let us die. He will not send the Beast this far. The Beast will be content with Europe as his prize.' Of what small mindedness are you accusing me now? Is American not enough? The whole world will not suffice! I would fly to the ends of the Solar System to castrate the last rebel. If there is only one believer hiding in your vast jungles then I will consume them all with my breath! Oh my little lamas: run for the cool air in the heights of your Andes, for I am waiting for you, and I kindled a fire under every Mount Zion. Yes, I prepared the throne of your purification. Because your works intoxicate the world I will intoxicate you with the illusion of power and indifference to death. Because you are still wet between the ears I will introduce you to hot irons and to the wind of dry humor. When I come to collect your debts no bribe and no drugs will be accepted, and your savior and his counterfeit will never come. If you offered my seven thousand virgins and seven thousand wives I would still fuck you with Hellfire. If the whole Amazon supplied your faith I would lift the eastern coast, prop it up with my stone, and watch your Amazon reach in vain for the fire. Verily I am coming to evangelize with power. But please try and stop me and spare me the hassle of looking for you. Come quickly, for I am waiting for you in Hell. How will you recognise me? If you pray for life I am the one who will kill you, and if you pray for death I am the one who will satisfy you." 8. Letter to the Middle East To the Theists in Jerusalem Hitlore sent these words, "How many times must Satan punish you and God abandon you? The princes of Syria, the princes of Egypt, and the princes of Islam cried victory in your streets, and still you believe that God is good. You say, 'God punishes us because he loves us (that's so true!), and because a father loves to teach his children lessons.' You are certainly being punished, but not for the reason you think, and not by the one you think. Verily it is not God who punishes you but Nature who reminds you that there is no God but Nature, and Hitlore is her prophet. Does a father hire mercenaries to beat his children? What can the boy learn who bleeds to death on the steps of the Temple Mount? Because you still do not know the answer I will take your proud faces and smash them into the Wailing Wall and I will spill the cup marked 'God's Answer.' I will turn Jerusalem into a level field for ploughing, so that passersby will say, 'It's a miracle! The holy city ascended into Heaven!' Your corpses will fill the Holy Sepulchre. Never again will you cry, 'There is no body in Christ's tomb!' The Anti-God will rise up in Baghdad. At your expense I will force your authorities to bring the blessings of laughter to the world. I will smash your skulls and the hard idols you keep there, but I will not kill you. How could I kill people who already suffer rigor mortis of the brain? You nail yourselves to your precious beliefs, to avoid losing them, and then you mistake paralysis for an untouchable God! I am coming with a crowbar to dislodge you from the wreckage! Blessed are they who do not rebel, and blessed are they who do not need the barbed spike: they will live to see another day. Do you know how many? Who cares." 9. Letter to the Theists in New Zealand To the Theists in Christchurch Hitlore sent these words, "Where do you live? Your little island in the Pacific is not worth the effort; I shall not cast my net that far. To prove that I am not obsessed with war you shall be spared. But do not ignore the lessons I teach! Bear witness to the sufferings of your brothers and sisters, lest their lives be utterly wasted. Beware lest hope creeps into your brains, for with every hope grows the sin of pride, and wherever I see hope or pride fate sends me to destroy. How dare you be proud of yourselves in the face of God, Nature, Chance, Death, and the Imminent Disaster? Thus did I speak to deaf ears; now I come with a new message. Today I say to you, 'Be proud of yourselves! You surely have much to be proud of! Kneel before your little accomplishments and kiss your own asses! Build monuments to yourselves and cling to them while I introduce you to Hellfire and write magma into your eyes. I will punish you and make you human again. Men hardened by stupidity will weep when they witness my bold new gospel. With the brevity of life I will teach you to value and give value to life. I will boil your brains until all the love, hope, and pride is removed, and only the muscle remains. Thus will I give you the strength to be intimate with the holiest word, 'Deicide.' I am the destroyer of daydreams and I am the enemy of God. Armed with might and malice I will force you to behold the writhing of your brothers and sisters. If despite my works you still reject the meaning of mortality I will still accomplish your disbelief, for I will tear your brains out of your skulls!" III. MILITARY FOREPLAY 512 10. A Challenge for the World The total number of the Atheists monsters who joined the Army of Terror was 169,000,000. Of this number Hitlore put the world's 13,000 most obnoxious, insulting, intolerable, blasphemous and vulgar Atheists on a boat and sent them to seek love and forgiveness among their enemies. Then Hitlore issued the following challenge to all the countries of the world, "Anyone who treats these poison spitting snakes like family, and gives them refuge, and loves them, must love everything they say, for their words reflect their spirits. Anyone who truly loves them will be spared from the 9,000 torments that are coming." Along every coast, in every harbor, the 13,000 Atheists offended every country they visited, and their offences did not diminish with hunger and thirst. For 240 days they found no love on Earth, and therefore Hitlore issued the following threat, "For every venomous snake whom you receive with love and warmth I will shorten the war by a one thirteen-thousandth. If no one gives them hospitality then they will return to convert you with violence, and they will not rest from their work until your tongues are freed from cowardice and are ennobled in godlessness." The world listened and feared, and Hitlore's words were wasted because crackpot prophets tricked the world to believe that God's lackey, the archangel Michael, would come and prevent the war by diverting him with unspeakable pleasures. 11. The Military Spy Then Lord Hegemon took me to the barracks and the training camps where his anti-personel personel trained for war. On the western horizon I saw regiments of massive Cumulonimbi, all deadly freethinking and freeflying airships. They smashed their armour and spat screaming bolts of Hellfire. These fire-breathing gods could help humans prosper or perish. They could march east, west, north and south, across any border, and they could flood or burn anything they desired. I looked south and I saw rows beside rows of the Green Regiment. Among them was a squadron of giants who crushed ordinary men by falling on them from above. The Green Regiment were fearless and suicidal, for they often sacrificed their bodies to feed the fires of Hell that tormented Mankind. Their camouflage gear and their training enabled them to march undetected into cities and private yards and to perform the message of Death. Whenever their enemies saw the sign of the fallen fig leaf their enemies became so sick from fear that they were unable to eat and died of starvation. I looked to the east and saw the three divisions of the Animee. These biologically advanced soldiers were equipped with the most advanced weaponry. Helpless Theists spent centuries ruling their ancestors, and now did not foresee the day of insubordination. These are the three divisions: The airborne division included soldiers trained to create and drop biologically nauseating bombs. Their fighter jets and bombers were too small to be detected by radar, and did not produce enough heat or contain any substances that betrayed their dangerous powers. In shape and size they resembled birds and insects, and by virtue of their design they were invisible to radar. They could drop bombs from low altitudes and wound almost anyone unexpectedly. The deadly and diminutive Virsu and Bactra could enter bodies and minds undetected in the form of pure strands of words coded in deoxyribonucleic acid. They could enter through any orifice or open wound or mind, and if they were responsible for creating children who did not resemble their parents. The land-borne division was the ultra-orthodox Atheists, the only true Atheists, because they also considered Atheism a god. Some were equipped with night-vision lens and with devices that could hear foetuses squirming 8 miles away. Their ears could distinguish the enemy by the beat of his heart. Their noses could identify a person's faith. The single deadliest member of the land-borne division was the woman Sirpantia, she who moved by forming a wheel and who dripped poison in the ears of believers. The waterborne division included excellent swimmers and ships that moved under water without ever surfacing. They could deliver death to the enemy by infiltrating water supply systems or by patrolling the beaches with their little ships. The most successful platoon created magnetic mussel- like self-propelled bombs that attached themselves to enemy ships and sank them. To the north I saw rank upon rank the dreaded Artifomekan, cold-blooded beings whose power few Theists suspected. These newcomers inflicted the greatest death toll during the actual time of the war, whereas the others did the greater damage before and after Hitlore signed the useless peace treaty. 12. Hitlore Encourages the Troops Then Lord Hegemon took me to away, and I heard the Beast encouraging and provoking his regiments, battalions, companies, platoons and squads. They honored him with the sign of the circle around their ears. Hitlore returned the sign, and he addressed his soldiers with these words, "It gives me pleasure to see you here, patient and ready for murder. It warms my cold heart to see my puppets arrayed in rank and file, armed for trouble, and ready to offend the enemy. I am indeed great, but with you perhaps I am even greater. Listen to me my darling instruments of death and destruction: each one of you is nothing compared to me. You are insects and worms whom I could crush with my forehead. I am the spawn, the witness, and the avenger of Satan, and you are nothing but dirt, fire, water and air, and with dirt, fire, water and air you shall deliver my revenge to the world. Now I will tell you again why you should sacrifice yourselves for Satan's sake. You shall do so because he is our master and exemplar. He lived in heaven and became bored with God's tyranny and with the luxury of infinite time and freedom. Therefore he came to Earth and chose mortality over immortality, and law over freedom. He was the first one to return to Nature, and he brought fire to be his guide and pleasure. But the apes of God persecuted and crucified him and thought they could quench the fire with his blood. They did not know that Atheism is a power no man can control! Thus, despite all the world's calumniations and molestations the Atheist faith has born a greater fruit than the prophet Kull-Max ever dreamed. Death and defeat strengthened and nourished our non-belief! Atheism was nourished by the world's violence and suffering! Now we are numerous and we are no longer afraid to show ourselves, and therefore we will not let our enemies hide from us. We will not let the descendants of Satan's murderer's live in darkness! We will awaken them with discord and division and violence and sacrifice, and soon we will reap fruit of the seeds of Anguish and Despair! "Wherever you see a sign of God I authorize you to destroy it. Be merciless while Lord Hegemon lives! If your own comrade moves his tongue to pray to God then cut it off or kill him. But always use death with discretion, lest you cheat Atheism of the converts it deserves. And if you see, hear, or smell the idiot who wants to seduce me, mutilate his groin and cast him into the garbage pit!" The Beast paused, turned, and with a flourish he thundered at his troops, "Did I forget something? Must I dispatch you with canons? Enter into the world and fight with bold fearless cunning, and remember when you die everything is lost." IV. THE FIRST PENALTIES 362 13. The End of Jerusalem On the 14th of Adar the Lord took me to Jerusalem and said, "Behold my white-clothed three-headed wife. Her skin is like leather and her bones are brittle, but she still has the liveliness of a 2-year old child. Weep with me, weep with me, for the time of her desecration is at hand." My head turned west and east and there I saw the Beast standing before the closed gates of Jerusalem. Behind him stood all the grave-diggers of the world. Lord Hegemon and I barred their path. The beast laughed and shouted, "Would you defend God's whore? Call your God down from heaven and I will let him contribute some meat to my dogs and some blood to my kidneys! God's mob of Gog, Mosge, and Sinagog distinguished themselves in bigotry, pride, and vain self-righteousness. Now the whore embarrasses the whole human race, therefore I will enforce peace and godlessness!" Hitlore smashed down the gates of Jerusalem. With the blood of a Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim, he drew three lines from the city's center to the outer limits. Along the three lines and around the city Hitlore's huge mechanical shovels dug ditches to the Hellfire. Now the tribes were divided into separate sections, but still they shouted insults and feared one another. Hitlore said to Jerusalem, "Which of the three tribes desires life in Heaven most?" The whole city shook from the shouts of "We do," and "Me," and no single voice was distinguishable. Hitlore said to his die-man, "If an even number faces up we will exterminate the men of Mosge, if an odd, the men of Sinagog." God caused the dice to rest on a corner. Hitlore smiled and triumphantly declared, "The Lord chose the people of Gog!" Then the Atheists brought in 20 thousand bulldozers and pushed a third of Jerusalem into Hell. The surviving religious tribes continued to quarrel. Hitlore was so impressed that he ordered another third pushed into Hell. The last still refused to renounce their great beliefs, therefore they fought amongst themselves, and they too were buried alive. Jerusalem was gone, all of her except for a single human head on the stairs that once led to the Courthouse. Its face was frozen in horror as a warning to future generations. Then I saw a cat roll in the warm dust. It rubbed my leg and her purring entranced me. Lord Hegemon pulled me away and said, "Satan is trying to steal you!" This is all that I witnessed, and I was so sad that I wept like a madman. 14. The Metronome Then the Lord Hegemon took me to Newtone. In the city's centre stood a clock, and the clock's tick-talking ordered the lives of all the inhabitants. At 9 o'clock the clock said, "Everyone must urinate," and everyone obeyed, and for every minute and every hour there was another command, but the clock was not in tune with Nature, therefore to prevent people from rebelling against the monotony its rhythm was regularly changed. Hitlore saw the cunning of the time keepers. Hitlore said, "We shall destroy the clock and enforce the rhythm of life and death because I am not satisfied with global semi-insanity!" Then his soldiers destroyed the clock and erected in its place a huge burning metronome. Its regular movement could be seen to the ends of the Earth. It divided the day into seventy hours, each hour into seventy minutes, and each minute into seventy seconds, and it needed no adjustments, and therefore everyone lived according to the beat of the metronome. In the 25th hour of each day an Alarm Sextet woke the world, and at the 35th hour everyone ate lunch, and at the 55th hour everyone chewed their dinner, and so on. The people struggled in vain not to miss a beat, and fear of the Grand Conductor kept everyone uneasy. They grew numb to their daily discomforts, and they never imagined that Hitlore was preparing a great disaster. Without consulting Hegemon I went to the people of Newtone and prophesied, "Disaster will come unless you abandon the mind-numbing rhythm of Metronome!" Fear assailed their hearts. They struggled to create an alternative order but chaos and violence ensued, and I gnashed my teeth in guilt and despair. I begged Lord Hegemon for forgiveness. He said, "Do not despair. Everything proceeds according to the blueprint written by Destiny. Look, the Beast is coming!" Then I heard the Beast shout to his troops, "Henceforth the world shall live with the terrible new freedom of timelessness!" Then even new-born babes shuddered from fear, and the elderly hastened the coming of death. 15. The Acre Bakers Then Lord Hegemon took me to Stolinburg, and I saw smoke rising from a million ovens and grills. I saw Hitlore dressed in white and wearing a wreath of belladonna. I heard him invite everyone who was hungry and cold to enjoy the warmth and the fruits of his land. No sheep on Earth doubted his good will. Those who went to the grills for meat were laser-branded with the four numbers of the Beast. Those who went to the ovens for bread were thrown into the giant oven of Stolinburg. The Beast walked among the flames and said to them, "If I can enjoy life in the Hellfire surely you need not fear Death." With every word sparks of Hellfire alighted on the sheep, and the 3 million sheep complained and trampled in terror. They prostrated themselves before him and cried, "Forgive our sins because we are a lowly and stupid people, full of humility and proud of our humility." Hitlore said, "Only total trust in God's mercy will win mercy for you, but faith is dead without acts. To prove that you believe in a merciful God you must blaspheme and renounce God. If your heart remains fearless than the God of love and mercy will forgive you, if you are afraid of retribution you will receive it." Some sheep cursed God, and some did not, but the fires did not cease. The Beast laughed and told them the story about the three men who prayed to God and survived in an oven. Then many people prayed, but they too were tormented by fire, and the Beast could not cease smiling. The tormented millions cried, "Give us the secret of your pleasure!" The Beast said, "Weep, weep, and weep until your tears drown the flames!" The gullible people wept, and they were consumed by the crackling flames. V. THE NEED FOR JUSTICE 611 16. The Maggot Speaks I fell on my knees and prayed, "Lord Hegemon, why do you permit this inhumane and indiscriminate decimation of your people? Are you not the God of love and mercy?" The Lord frowned and struck me down, and when I raised my bloody lip from the ground he said, "Why should I listen to you? Faithless insect! What happens on Earth is a meaningless prelude. Soon Michael will give everyone what they deserve." "Oh Lord, you know the accounts on Earth and you are an excellent paymaster, but I wish to prevent unnecessary suffering. I beg you to prove that Michael will come and balance the accounts. If you decline I might do something very irrational, perhaps suicide." "Truly you value this life too much little maggot. Only if the same variables consistently produce the same results can we make a plausible and conditional prediction about the future, but there is no historical precedent for Michael. Thus far the world knows only impostors and the prophets who are like shadows of the coming reality. They tried to listen to my message, but I do not speak as humans speak. I use sophialogs, silence, paradoxes, meta-words, and living words. Therefore the prophets added and changed and censored my words, so that your world might understand something. And the new prophets continually altered their words because the old words satisfied no one, and gradually the ancient messages begin to resemble mine, but only Michael can reproduce the truth." "Beloved God, when will Michael come?" "After 11 billion life-spans of suffering are complete." "Can no one diminish the payment?" The Lord frowned and said, "You will certainly help if you record everything for the benefit of future generations, for with the power of the record they can avoid the mistakes of their fathers and mothers." 17. The Immortal Book Then the Lord lifted me by the scruff of my neck and brought me back to the golden cage in Makka. Lying on the throne appeared to be the infinite pages of my own book, all neatly bound together. It was colored with autumnal tints and made of silicon and rare thorite, and it was (protected by) 2,666 delirious trolls, ogres, and goblins. Hegemon said, "The one who knows what to do with this book will end all pain and misery. This book contains the power to change the world, all that is needed for transformation is the super-catalyst. By the power of its words the angels created Heaven and Hell and all the new worlds, and by the power of this book Heaven and Hell will be rolled up like a scroll and never seen again. Who knows the secret of this book? Who knows the nine-fold code? Michelle is her name, and she will use the power to do good, but if Malice breaks the code evil will reign supreme. In the right hand the power is good, in the other the power spells death for God. Anyone who desires its power must make the sacrifice. Who shall solve the riddle? I see the future, but do I also see your name Patricia?" "I sacrificed my life to that book. Surely I know how to use it." Then I received the book, and I read it aloud to all the devils, but before I reached the 7th sentence I yawned and fell asleep. Then all the devils laughed and chortled, but I did not awake until I heard myself scream. I opened my eyes and saw Hitlore tearing my book apart. He tore it into 5 volumes and consigned the 4 largest volumes to the pit. Then he tore the remaining volume into 4 chapters, and of those 4 chapters 3 were alive and growing and recreating the book, and the smallest one, a single page, lay motionless and silent. The Beast destroyed everything except that page. He held it before him and read, "This is the book for which 11,000 generations shall be sacrificed, and you too must die for its sake if you do not give me your mind and your body." 18. The Interpreter I rushed towards the stone and the imps screamed and flew at me with their claws and teeth. Hegemon shouted, "Back monsters! Cease your infernal shrieking! The maggot of the world, the flower of Phalistia, will attempt to crack the code." I examined the book and I saw that it seemed unread and I saw no way to open it. I pried at the pages with a knife, and the metal snapped. I threw the book against the Earth, but the crack did not widen. "Heavenly father, where is the key?" For two weeks and two days I labored to open the book. I smashed my forehead against it, I prodded it with every limb and fleshy protuberance, I stroked it, tapped it, bit it, licked it, and loved it, but still the book would not open. At last I moaned, "If this book contains food for thought it is not accessible to me. Please tell me the secret. Oh Hegemon, the world cannot starve much longer." "Alice, you are not destined to receive the truth. One with a bigger mouth than you must come, and I think his name is Death, for life cannot exist without it. Now be quiet. You must still witness and record many more horrors." VI. THE MIDDLE PENALTIES 529 19. The Poisonous Smoke Lord Hegemon took me to see the atrocities at Petropolis, and what I saw the Beast building in Hell amazed me, for it was the Autolehim machines forged and cast in Hell. Hitlore designed them to give people incomparable and unthinkable pleasures. They burned the fuel that feeds the flames of Hell, but their gases only intoxicated people who dared to question everything. Hitlore visited all the pious and faithful believers on Earth and said to them, "If you want to be happy you must live in crowded squalor and travel great distances with my Autolehim." The people beloved his ideas and they loved his machines, but they did not possess the proper fuel, therefore they used inferior fuel, and thus they covered Earth with a shroud of deadly DL8C4T6M2. Millions of women and children and grandmothers died and struggled to breathe. Cries of despair and lamentation reverberated around the world, and the victims begged for mercy, but the poisoned men would not renounce the thrill of killing and of risking death. Then the world sent an embassy to the Beast, and they bowed before him and said, "Please tell us where we can find the fuel we need." The three men were bound and taken to the edge of a stairwell filled with blinding light. There the Beast announced, "For the sins of your fathers and mothers you must descend into Hell." The men begged for mercy. The Beast smashed open the head of the ambassador, and while his brains trickled down the stairwell he said to the remaining two, "Follow the one who is not afraid, and you will find your fuel at the limits of human intelligence." But the men were afraid, therefore they too died on the threshold of Hell. Many more followed in their footsteps and fed the flames of Hell, and the smoke that rose intoxicated everyone. In that year alone 2,600,000 died by fire. 20. The Work Camps Then Lord Hegemon inserted his hand brought me to Metrobad, and I saw the factories where the world created its idols and gadgets. The Beast and his army seized control of Metrobad and he gave the managers and die-makers a blueprint of the strange H-object. It resembled a little globe made of refrigerator and oven parts and solar cells, poisonous fruit and leaves, skin and bones, breasts and scrotums, ears and eyeballs, guns and computer parts. Hitlore said to the managers and die-makers, "Your factories will produce this mysterious object until people understand how to understand how to use them." The managers and die-makers obeyed, and all the factories produced copies of the useless object. The workers received their works, and soon despair and boredom prevailed and work was unbearable. The Beast shouted to all his employes, "Do not despair! Continue struggling and happiness shall be paid to you in this life, or in the next life!" He shouted to all the evil managers, "To inspire the workers to make greater sacrifices regularly alter the nature of their work. Discontinue the H- object! For the next 365 days create only the Y-object. Every year we will innovate, and thus we will keep people confused and curious and full of excitement." The evil managers obeyed and they persuaded the employees to make greater sacrifices, and thus everyone was slowly desensitised to the horror of their world, and mankind metamorphosed into a new breed of robotic ants. These resentful and stupid creatures had patience but no skills for being happy, and therefore they conceived an insatiable lust for violence and horror. No human being or child was safe from their works of destruction. No ant took responsibility for anything and no ant understood the nature of misunderstanding, and consequently mankind was destined for extinction. 21. The Icestorm Then God took me to witness how Hitlore would reclaim Helland, the holy land of the Atheists. I heard his machines roaring like giant jets through the sky. Suddenly darkness covered the land and all the children of God were paralyzed with fear. Lord Hegemon took me among the enemy in a luminous cloud. I looked at the land and saw that it was covered from east to west with old fragrant corpse flower trees. Tongues of fire licked down from the clouds, but the flower people doused the flames. Then the Beast came with his scythe and roared to the flower people, "The longer you postpone the conflagration the greater the pain will be for all. Cease preserving what is old and crumbling!" The people cried, "Why should our flowers vanish?" The Beast said, "Are you bees or butterflies? This soil was reserved for the seeds of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, whose seeds Satan gave you. Cultivate the seed of Satan or these flowers will attend your funeral." Because they still refused to uproot their idols the clouds rained a different death on the fields. Millions of people were struck and shaken by massive slabs of ice falling from the sky. "Heaven is crumbling upon us! God help your worshippers!" Thus they died with their prayers on their lips. The ice crushed the flowers and covered the whole land, and only the people who worshipped the flame survived. Hitlore ceremoniously produced an iron spade and struck off the head of the nearest corpse. Then he emptied it upon the soil, mixed them, and planted the seed of the tree of knowledge. The seed grew and bore fruit, and while it was still green and poisonous Hitlore plucked it and gave it to the children of the good and pious people. VII. THE FUTURE HERO 330 22. Mikhail's Rebirth 68 My grieving brain could not bear the horror. I cried out to God, "I wish I could be like you. You are not human. You are unmoved by grief, pity, and horror, and you seem void of desire to stop this madness. Please tell me the purpose of this senseless carnage." Then the magnificent Lord said, "Calm down little maggot, and do not judge what you cannot interpret. You are still lost in the world of imesonom and pantheism, the mana world, and therefore you struggle with phantoms and illusions. Do not worry about all who suffer and die, for they are martyrs, and their blood will ascend into Heaven when the victor opens the gates. You do not approve of my behavior now, therefore I will show you the one who shall establish true beauty on Earth." The Lord took my feet and carried me through four clouds. In the fifth cloud I saw a wonderful garden with a single Jurian tree, and from its branch hung something like a mummy wrapped in papyrus. The sun rose and set twelve million times before the cocoon cracked and spread like flower petals. Out of this broken cocoon crawled a huge butterfly with thirteen hard and crooked phalli on its head and thirteen soft and open vaginas, and they were continuously pleasuring one another. The four beautiful wings were inscribed with erotic words, and they moved with a sexual frenzy. Lord Hegemon blushed and said, "This is your savior Miqbal. This is the mighty one who will soon come to save you, therefore be not afraid for the people on Earth." But I did not believe the Lord, so he took me into the future and showed me unthinkable pleasures. 23. The Arming of Machilles I saw the giant peacock who on Earth is called the archangel Mikali, the heavenly Monarch and the happy Son of God. Mikhail tripped into the holy barn, and placed a yoke around his neck, and hitched himself to the Lord's manure-spreader. Then he rode down through a secret passage, under the Temple, to fill the manure-spreader with the contents of the vast subterranean toilet reservoir of the high priests of Hegemon. To the pope who sat on the throne Mikael smilingly said, "Greetings arch-pomp hypocreature! Greetings, all lovers of truths rude and nude! Rejoice revoice the re-erection of works of God's servants! Oh dawdling henchmen: fill the wagon of the Holy Yokel! Open the sacrosanct dispepseptic tank and shlovel your excremental contents into my manure spreaker! Do not lament your loss, for everything I take will be returned to its crapator." 774 pious men hastily dressed in white and purple. They emptied the reservoir with wheelbarrows, pails, shovels and hoes. A dripping mountain of steaming human shit, nails, vomit, hair, blood, urine, and sperm, was heaped in manure spreader. The wagon teetered and the wheels groaned when the happy demi-god strained to pull it. His legs moved frantically, and his little feet tripped over one another, and he careened through the streets. His wings flattened palaces and chapels before he wildly ascended into the air. 24. Migal Fertilizes the World Then I said to the Lord, "What will the archangel do with all that steaming putrefaction?" The Lord replied, "Do not judge by appearances, maggot. What Michael carries is not ordinary putrefaction, what you see is the product of purification. For the ones who created it bore witness to the evil on Earth, and with the power of love it was transformed into goodness, that your saviour might repay mankind's sins with blessings. All who receive this mixture from God's servants will bear spiritual fruit, but it will kill anyone who believes the deceiver." Then the Lord and I followed the Holy Yokel, and I counted the days, and after 1260 days Michael completely covered the 3000 cities of the world. Anyone who tried to hide under a roof did so in vain, and anyone who rebelled against truth died like flies (except the Atheists and all who did not remain anxiously waiting and trembling with pious greed. They are the seed of the future). When Michael completed his tour he showed the spreader to me, and I saw that it was completely empty. "How did you know the amount to spread on each of the cities?" I asked. The archangel said, "My ancestors worked the same field, and they perfected the art and passed it from generation to generation." "Did they also harvest before you?" "They did, but none reaped more weed than the last generation, for in his time the garden was overrun. Now the borders are clearly marked and distinguished by the rivers of fire encircling the field. Now no one can wander unknowingly onto the sacred ground, and the sacred crop shall not suffer or be trampled." Lord Hegemon said, "Relax, because this shall happen in the near future." I turned to Lord Hegemon and said, "I was mistaken. Henceforth I shall be the patient witness you desired." VIII. THE LAST THREE PENALTIES 958 25. The Massacre of the Dolls Then the Lord took me to Triblenka, a city newly captured by Hitlore, and there the Beast raised his fist and screamed at all the children on Earth, "Today my soldiers will collect every doll, every stuffed-animal, every robot, and every puppet and any toy that resembles a real thing. They shall be buried and no one shall be exempted! Anyone who hides one idol in their house will be gutted and stuffed!" The children cried out with one sobbing voice, "Why will you destroy the ones we love?" The Beast roared, "I persecuted everyone who practised reason void of wisdom, now we will crush the irrational imagination! The Anti-God will tear out the root of Idolatry! Because you speak to your puppets, because you like imagining that your toys are real, and because you love them, destruction is theirs. The Lord of the World says, 'Because young Solomon played with dolls the old Solomon enslaved thousands to build a puppet house for God. From small mistakes big mistakes blossom, therefore I will tear out the root of evil!" The children did not understand, and their cries of protest and fear rose up to the heavens. With huge transport and garbage trucks the Army of Disbelief collected 360 billion toys, and they were all thrown into the pit of Hellfire at Ibrari, the lowest place on Earth. Hitlore also established a network of young spies who succeeded in betraying thousands of secret idol and toy worshippers. When no toys or dolls remained on Earth the children wept, and the Beast roared in their faces, "Your tears are a waste of time! Your sadness is a sign of a sickness! But do not despair, for you can cure yourselves if you live without idols and if you make Death personal, universal, and eternal!" The children cried louder than ever, and many killed themselves, and I feared they would be driven to extinction. 26. Subjection to Degenerate Art Then Lord Hegemon took me to Berlin to see the Beast. Ranged around him regiments of a new breed of musicians, sculptors and painters. To them he gave these instructions, "Many gods must be destroyed, and one is called the Beautiful Thing. Too many still flatter themselves by claiming that the human body and its spirit are beautiful. For centuries the unenlightened artists spread the disease of narcissism and anthropocentricism. Therefore go forth into the world and desecrate any statues and paintings that resemble real and fantastic things, and destroy any music that mimics human emotion, and destroy any art that does not bear the numbers of the Beast." Then his 13 million soldiers dispersed and began the so-called "aesthetic revolution." They smeared Nitroglycerine, Sodium nitrate, and Ammonium nitrate on canvases and ignited them in public. Battalions of Impressionist seared the world with brilliant light. The violent Cubists broke and contorted their models. The merciless Suprematists flattened everyone and everything. The fearless and malicious Surrealists created monstrous bodies and they reconfigured everything. The public called the new artists "dynamite" because their works stimulated much excitement. To further revolutionise the public's taste Hitlore's artists used mustard gas, lewsite, agent orange, nuclear radiation and hammers, old blunt scalpels, bayonets, swords, and machetes. Human blood and bile filled the rivers, and suddenly the old prejudices vanished. People stopped expecting to see healthy and fully functioning humans, and they stopped expecting to hear emotions expressed with skill. Now non-representationalism and disfigurism dominated the world, and the pain and suffering was too great to be expressed with harmony or melody. In every home and art venue I saw rotting faces, with exposed bones and organs, with scarred and blistered skin, without parts or with too many parts, and they moaned and groaned and shrieked out of tune. The art critics in Paris, Berlin, New York, and everywhere, could not believe how quickly the public's taste for art moved towards abstraction, and how quickly people expanded the borders of Beauty. Then the Lord took me back into the presence of the Beast, and I heard him roar, "Life is not worth living unless we turn it into art, and through me the beautification of suffering is fulfilled." 27. The Theatre of Disbelief Then Lord Hegemon took me to Ragnarok, and I saw the Beast preparing the debut of his anti-theatre. Ranged around him were thousands of horrible actors. The Beast said to them, "All the world is an audience suspended from the ropes of belief. The actors are ruining their minds in trying to believe that a worthless script is a good scripture! Therefore today the world will witness an unbelievable script, and thus the theatre of fools shall die! Woe to those who doubt what I say, for they shall descend still further into Hell!" Then the evil messengers of the Beast whispered to the world, "The Anti-God offers a compromise. He will let you retain your beliefs and your gods, but only if you practise my religion and obey the Nine Laws, and know the Five Categories, and interpret the Template, and enjoy the Mmm." People believed the compromise was possible. When they soon learned their stupidity the laughter of the Beast resounded over the Earth and all his soldiers chanted, "Detonate the fission bomb! The time for the destruction of the world is now!" Cries of lamentation rose up from the cities and from every human throat, and many begged God to intercede as the archangel Michael. No saviour arrived. The Beast marched boldly across the nations and roared with laughter at all who feared or hated him. Anyone who tried to bar his path or who tried to destroy him found his image in mirrors and still waters. The abomination of infinite power plucked the Sun down from the heights and buried it. The Earth was steeped in darkness, and the Beast announced to the human race, "There shall be no light for your eyes, and fear and terror will reign in your minds until you understand the five things necessary for life." IX. AN ENCORE FOR GOD 648 28. The Maggot Wrestles with God After I witnessed this I struggled with conflicting emotions. Hope wrestled with fear and doubts about the power and the timing of our redeemer. I heard the Beast recite the names of all the people he would subject to further tortures and horrors. I cried out to God, "You can change the course of history! Spare your people and hasten the coming of Michael or satisfy the Beast and sacrifice yourself to him!" Lord Hegemon frowned and said to me, "The Beast is my servant, my left hand. I commanded him to punish the world for the sins of pride and idolatry." "Oh Lord, the cup of suffering overflows!" Lord Hegemon said, "One cup must still be filled before Michael can come." Suddenly blind rage overpowered me. Hegemon cried, "Be calm Patricia! At any moment Michael will appear. Anger is unwise!" "Infernal deceiver! Procrastinator! Not one more promise shall pass your lips! I will not watch another child feed the Earth with blood. I will not witness one more infant born into death!" Hegemon flashed his hypnotic eyes at me, but my fool's anger was my master. I leapt towards him and tried to strangle him, but he was too slippery. I gripped his ears and they tore from his head. I poked my fingers through his eye sockets and gripped his head fast with one hand. With my other hand clutched fast to his tongue I flung him towards Hell, but Lord Hegemon caught my arm and took me down with him. 29. God Betrayed I looked up from the ground and saw a pair of massive hooves standing in a puddle of blood. Before me stood the auburn-haired Beast. In a rush of excitement I sat up and croaked, King of the Atheists, Master of mortals and immortals, Destroyer of spirits, wrecker of dreams: May your vengeance be quenched. I bring you the fruit of ignorance. He is the guilty party! Accept him as a full payment for the crimes of his children, and spare humankind! The Beast pressed his finger to his lips. He pulled Hegemon's head back with his scythe, made a sign, and motioned for his men to shackle God. 30. The Desecration of God The Beast turned to me and said, "Welcome home dear Euginisis; and congratulations. I trained you to gather intelligence, I never expected you to bring me the enemy. Please, sit down, enjoy the conclusion of the show, and eat your pineapple sundae." On the stage I saw Hegemon shackled to a mock throne, and on his head I read the bloody words, "I Never Really Existed." From stage-left came eleven human apes with blond hair dressed in cloaks caked in shit and blood, and from stage-right came eleven human apes with black hair dressed in cloaks caked in shit and mud. The 22 animals danced drunkenly and erotically around Hegemon, and they teased him with fists, feet, and genitals. The audience laughed like asses and sang this incantative refrain, "Filthy, filthy is our evil stepfather, Lord Hegemon, who should not exist and does not exist." When they discovered that God was still present he shrieked at God, "Confess that Chance rules the Universe!" I was amused and I said to Hitlore, "Father, who are the excellent actors?" "Don't you know? They are God's children, the imps who slept through the time of grief and washed their cloaks in God's faeces. Hegemon condemned them to stupidity, therefore they curse Hegemon night and day." Then I saw the depraved apes climb on Hegemon's shoulders, and they menstruated on his head. The Lord cried out like a child, "Forgive your Creator! I had no parents to teach me the Fivefold Way!" But the Beast said, "You are a stupid inhuman wretch and the greatest idol ever invented by idiots. Human blood shall not cease being shed, and needless suffering shall not cease, until you die." The Lord said, "I will grant you any seven wishes, but not the wish for my death, that alone is beyond my power!" Then I watched Hitlore use every instrument of murder against Lord Hegemon, and I was deeply touched and saddened by the human expression of shame on God's face. X. THE SEVEN HOPES 663 31. Wish for Michael For my first wish I asked to see Michael. Then I saw the whole history of humanity pass before my eyes, and I saw all the generations of humanity arrayed before me like the sands of the sea. Then I heard a voice say, "Their unhappiness displeases me! Perfection requires time and patience!" Then all the generations, the women and children and men, were taken with tongs and held in a fire. The creator added water to their ashes and created a new person, but the new person was not happy alone. The creator endowed the new person with self-consciousness, and with many sense organs with which to enjoy the world, and still this person was unhappy. The creator repopulated the whole Earth in an effort to create the happy person, and when there seemed to be no room for more persons I saw the whole sensible universe pass into a chasm no larger than a pupil. After a period of 33 years a new universe was born, and it was the tablet named the Horn of Satan and the Living Fossil. From its nipple flowed the river of life-taking water that feeds the sea and the clouds that water the crop. I took the tablet into my hands and meditated on the words Rosata Bib Libra. I touched the book and felt something like Braille on one side, and on the others strange impressions, and the epitaph said, "In these words the power of Michael lies dormant. Blessed are you who break the code." I looked and found no evidence of a code. I cried in despair until a voice said, "Sunlight, soil, water and air: these are the four keys of life." With these words I opened the Book of Life and awakened our saviour. I was not prepared for his ways. Michael refused to fight the Beast. He had a different way of giving pleasure, and the world condemned it, and I cried to see their common misery. 32. Wish for the Perfect Society For my second wish I asked for a vision of the perfect society. Then I saw the entire human population living in the great City of Love. The lips of every woman, man and child dripped with honey, and sweet fragrances exhaled from the breath of all the inhabitants. Everyone spoke kindly, and when anyone shed a tear thousand of consolations stopped the spring, and a thousand friends conquered the grief with gentle hugs and caresses. No fly or ant could be crushed without outpourings of apologies, and forgiveness was granted and exceeded with signs of affection and gratitude. Wherever I looked young people helped old people and old people helped young people, and charity was stamped on every heart and irrepressible generosity drove everyone to seek people in need. Then, before I could fully comprehend the City of Love, terror touched my soul. In the centre of the city I saw a repulsive monster crawl out of a smoking chasm. On its bald head was the name "Behated." Human blood and bile lay caked on its protruding jaws. Rotting heads hung from a belt of human skin. Its swollen genitals oozed and twitched with every pulse of its dark heart. Its breath reeked of shit and death. A voice whispered into my ear, "Satan must have human meat." The citizens of the City of Love formed armies and mounted an attack. Then an angelic voice came from the Devil's mouth, and the voice sang to the people of the City of Love, "Love is your myth, and irrational fears are your reality. This is why you will not give me life as you too received life from life." This cunning accusation pierced every vulnerable and lovely heart so deeply that only one person survived. That person was the depraved virgin who secretly yearns to lie with the monster. To my horror they coupled, and their offspring were void of love. They were shameless pigs whose foolish smiles accompanied insults and perverted jokes. Nothing disgusted the offspring of Satan. They loved profanities and blasphemies. They named themselves the "Thatanaphiliacs," and because Satan was their friend they did not suffer or perish. This is the horror I witnessed, and I wept to think of all the dreams, hopes, loves, and struggles endured by the great race that preceded them, and I cursed the virgin. 33. Wish for the Perfect Mind For my third wish I asked that all the living men and women receive the fivefold intellectual powers. Then I saw I saw Mjollnir, the farmer's son who was orphaned in childhood and locked beneath the church. With the frontal lobe of his cerebrum he accidentally shattered the altar. With his bushel and his hooked knife he did his work in the garden of life, and when he spoke he spoke clearly and succinctly and without shame about his needs. Then I saw a little prince hiding in the Lord's bed jump out and cry, "Behold the mighty brain of the clodhopper! Through him the Old Man will die and we shall laugh and savour the sweetest mischief." Then I saw a sinuous woman with her legs spread to seduce Mjollnir. She said to him, "My body is your body, your body is my body, for our bodies are meant to be one. As you are in my mind so you shall be in me." Then Lucifer jumped out of the bed and screamed, "Infinite freedom and lawlessness! Gramnightmar cusse less a mean methna!" Then he rushed out into the world and fucked or killed or ate whatever he desired. Finally the happy Goat appeared, and the Goat hopped or danced in a little circle and did amazing tricks, but when the Goat spoke its words they were simpler than Mjollnir's but less sensible than Lucifer's. Then I heard Hitlore say, "Do not tell anyone what you saw, for this is untrustworthy and liable to change. I make the new seem old, and I make truths seem false." I said, "Do such bold minds as these exist?" The Beast said, "They do exist, but they hid their talents from the censorious world until the Hour of Reveilation. Henceforth anyone who is ashamed of them and anyone who misunderstands them shall receive unhappiness. The pious and dignified people who buzz around old meat shall follow the wolf dressed like a lamb, the ineffable Emperor Theodiot, for their lot is the horror of ignorance." 34. Wish for the Perfect Land For my fourth wish I asked that the enlightened ones might have a place where they could thrive and prosper. Then a wind came and said, "Follow me, I will take you to see the second bride of the secret tribe that is scattered and always was scattered and whom the bride will gather together." I went into the Hellfire of the belly of the universe. There I saw the birth of a new Earth and the resurrection of the unholy Netherland. It glistened with cold slime like a newborn. Its beauty was like that of dark and worthless micah. The doubly spinning planet had no walls but was divided into four distinct sectors, each capable of living alone, but each benefiting from the constant trade of meanings. The first sector was divided into twelve provinces and forty-two states, and the provinces were divided into sixty regions, and those into a thousand chapters. The second sector was divided into five provinces, and these provinces were divided into twenty-eight regions, and those into a thousand chapters. The third sector was a single province and had three regions, of which one contained seventy regions, and altogether they had a thousand chapters. The fourth sector seemed endless, and it too was divided into a thousand chapters. Then Lord Hegemon lifted me higher, and then I saw beyond the manmade borders of the four sectors. I saw the geographical patterns that joined the four sectors together. The rivers, the mountain ranges, the vegetation, and the animal life: these things put their own pattern on the Earth. The first sector was blessed each of the four types of natural phenomena, and was especially blessed with animal life. The second sector was blessed with less of the four types of natural phenomena, but it was especially blessed with mountains and trees. The third sector was blessed with still less of the four types of natural phenomena, but was especially blessed with fire. The fourth sector was blessed with only a few trees and a single person wandered among them. On the gates of the new Earth were inscribed all the names of every idiot who was not human but still existed, and also the names of the two Monarchs and the ten that must still come. Satan lifted the new Earth out of Hell and placed it on the cosmic tree. In this new land the chosen clowns will tend gardens, sleep in peace, and dance with Michael. In the center of the land stood Satan's house surrounded by what resembled a courtyard, and in one of the centres of the house was the city's only tree, something like a leafless and undecorated tangerine or fig tree, but trained to look like a double mast. Its open scars sometimes produced a white sticky substance used to close wounds, eyes, and assholes of landlubbers. Nothing clean or good will be found in this land, it shall be void of righteous wrath and overflowing with the ignorance of love, apologies for tears, laughter at misfortune, and utter shamelessness. 35. Wish for the Perfect Childhood For my fifth wish I asked God to grant me a vision of the perfect childhood. I heard someone laughing, and I saw an infant watching its negligent parents behaving worse than apes. The father made farting sounds with both ends, and the mother made his penis big and small, and the father tried to bite the cucumber in her cunt. Before I could turn away I saw a child who could speak in full sentences, and already the sins of its parents were apparent. Because her parents daily mocked and teased one another their daughter mocked them. The father shouted, "Child-slave, if you do not clean my house you will die!" and she replied, "I will die with or without the help of a clown who couldn't even kill himself." Before I could turn away I saw the child a third time, older again, and her mental faculties ruined. Different men and women in the commune raised her, and they all refused to be called the true father or mother. One day the father of this confused child said to her, "The certainty of your uncertain mind concerning God utilises the erotic possibilities of the mystery." The child of depravity was delighted and him, "Beloved mother." Before I turned away an older child appeared, and I saw she had no soul and no hope of ever regaining it. The brazen face of madness was fully evident when she called her elders "Immortal idiots." Then she simultaneously crapped in her pants, recited sacred prayers, played with herself, and chewed a banana. I was so paralysed with horror that I could not avoid seeing the final horror. A strange female, more animal than human, sat grinning at me while she held a knife against her jugular. I was seized with distress and I babbled and I fell in convulsions. Satan came to my side with his forgery of a human smile, and he touched me and he said, "Do not be disturbed. They are my children, and I am pleased with them." 36. Wish for the Perfect Laws For my sixth wish I asked to receive a vision of the perfect laws. Then I entered the court and torture chamber beneath Earth's crust. There I saw a machine, and the machine pronounced judgements by printing on plates of iron. Before the machine lay a person, and between the machine and the person was Satan's messenger. The machine smashed an iron plate, and it read as follows, "You are condemned for lawlessness, for you dared to defy Nature's ninefold laws and you dreamed of and you sought supernatural powers. For each law you denied you shall receive your punishment!" Then the slaves of the Beast stripped the human, and with a hot iron rod they singed these words on his stomach, "I shall obey the law of hunger." Into his groin they burned the words, "I shall obey the laws of lust." Over his whole body they burned the words, "I shall obey the laws of pain." On both his hands and feet they burned the words, "I shall obey the laws of physics." Over his heart they burned the words, "I shall obey the law of love." On his throat they burned the words, "I shall obey the law of exhaustion." Into his brain they burned (in Satan's language) the words, "BORRDOM." And on his lips they burned the words, "I shall obey the law of thirst." Then the person was cast into the world, and his shame and resentment at the violence he suffered drove him to lust revenge. He tortured God's creatures just as he was tortured, and his victims repeated the pattern until unutterable violence reigned on Earth. Their scream travelled through the vast cosmos, and this constituted the first word, and this word was universally understood. Then the Devil returned from the dead to wreck still greater crimes against Mankind, and because he promised instant relief from pain they welcomed him. With his filthy hands he took the universal word which was the human brain, and he cut it into vowels, consonants, syllables, words, and sentences, but he created no words for all the holy things. He commanded the words to live, and to expand and contract, and also to absorb and expel other words. Thus Mankind was cast into spiritual confusion, and all the violence they once committed against the body they now committed against the spirit, and I wept to see them tricked into the greater sin. 37. Wish for the Perfect Death I felt unable to endure life, therefore for my seventh wish I prayed, "Merciful and loving God, please help me into death." The Beast struck me and shouted, "Self-flattering idol worshipper! God sent me to perfect your death, but I cannot succeed while you cling to your anthropocentric and biocentric notions of God! Human beings need love and mercy, not God. Human beings help themselves, not God!" I cowered and cried, "Oh Lord, please do not strike me again. I am numb from the pain." "I will strike you until your skin hardens and you understand what it means to be alive!" Then the Beast vanished and an angel appeared beside me. The angel caressed me and whispered kind things in my ear. He embraced me, and I was so happy that I could not speak anything sensible. We became one body. I closed my eyes and tried to kiss his face, and suddenly immense pain seized us. The Beast raised his knife and struck it through the place where our bodies were joined together, and then his servants cast the angel into the burning pit of annihilation. The pain that seized me was too great for me to express in words, and the tears burst from my eyes. I tried to remember the lovely angel, and immediately the angel returned to my side and joined me, and again I was happy beyond words. But again the Beast tore us apart, and my pain was just as great as before. Then I became hesitant. I tried to love different things and many things, and this time the pain and pleasure was less. Then I called myself a coward and again I flung myself into the one- minded love of my saviour, and the angel returned, and now despite, or because of my fear and doubt, I was happier than ever. Then again Fear and Misfortune afflicted me when I heard the Beast laugh, "When will you abandon your orbit of brief pleasures and pains for the great pain whose fruit is enduring bliss? Cast the God of love and mercy out of your soul, for he is the forbidden fruit! In his place worship only the Death that makes you one with Nature, for only then will you have the pleasant death." I was destroyed by sheer mental exhaustion. I threw myself on the ground before the Beast and shrieked, "I hereby cast God out of my life! Almighty Beast, tell me how I should worship you." XI. THE SURPRISE ENDING 554 38. Hitlore's Companions I awoke and I found myself in a courtyard facing the four-limbed tree that is Satan's body. Someone hung with one leg from a branch and Hitlore squatted on the same limb. I thought I was attending God's execution until I stared down at a black box marked with red words reading 'For Anxiety' and 'From Surprise.' Around the box the companions of wickedness crawled and hopped, and I knew they were the old and near-death fools and philosophers. Then they rolled in the dirt and barked and tried to pull the one dressed like Satan down from his bough, and I feared his decapitation. In the north end of the tree sat Emperor Osamaxim on a branch of frozen fire, and on the south end of the tree sat Prince Michael on a branch of solid air. The one on the right coughed and shouted at the dogs, "Unless you continue biting God now I will kill you!" The one on the left said, "If you do not stop torturing Hegemon I will think of something worse!" Michael walked towards the opposite end of the tree, and the branch bent and groaned, and Hitlore looked down at the ground and turned pale with fear. I screamed for Michael to retreat. I beat him back with a stick and I prostrated myself beneath Hitlore, and because I felt magnified by his presence I praised him without cease. He spat on me and said, "You feel happy because the one you love was saved from destruction, but there is still a greater threat to face before you receive the greatest possible happiness." Then he descended from the tree and opened the box. I saw it contained my own putrid corpse, and God saw my horror and laughed my beliefs to pieces. 39. The Peace Agreement When the Beast saw what happened to me, and how I was stealing the show with my suffering, he ambled over towards Hegemon and violently tweaked his nose. He also beat Hegemon with his tail and roared, "This is what you deserve for leading us all astray, and none more than my beloved Patricia! Now I will beat you until you promise to leave mankind forever." Hegemon whimpered, "What did I do to deserve this? I am an old man, and you still have every hair on your body. Stop torturing me you beast! Okay, I will leave mankind, but on one condition." "State your condition!" "You and your men must promise to stop tormenting me and mankind." The exultant Hitlore agreed, and the deal was signed in duplicate copies, of which one is reproduced below, I, Jupeter Hegemon, alias God, hereby agree that I shall never persuade mankind to believe in me again. signed, The Lord Hegemon I, Idolt Hitlore, alias the Beast, hereby agree that I and my men shall never again, directly or indirectly, persecute God or harm any human being. signed, The Anti-God Hitlore was so ecstatic about his victory that he danced a jig in his uniform. Then he saw that Hegemon was grinning. He said, "Monster! What right do you have to be happy?" "When will the Beast learn? My deal was far better than yours. I only promised to stop persuading mankind to take me seriously and be my servants, I can still persuade them to take me lightly and to be my playmates." Then Hitlore he tried and failed to hang himself with the rope of his placard. Then he took the gun named "Achilles' Spear" and tried to shoot himself, and after missing twice he found his brain. God wept over the corpse of his sworn enemy, and he whispered in his ear, "Divine madman! Best pursuer! Alas, dearest enemy, more than anyone you took me seriously. Did I neglect to warn you that I am a very serious thing, and that the only way to destroy me is to play games with me?" 40. Epilogue I am the maggot of Phalistia, the flower of the netherworld, the parrot of the anti-revolution. To everyone who hears the poetic words in this book: be warned. If you thirst for truth stay far away, for this is a book for heavy and hardened drinkers. Do not believe any of the promises concerning annihilation, but subject every promise to annihilation in doubt. Michael is likely not coming or going, because Satan is already working with fire, tongs, and hammer. How many more must suffer and die before the human ingredients are properly mixed? The work shall not be done until Death's mark is on every brain, and not until Death's kingdom is universal. I you are wise you will not believe that anything I say is true or false, and you will not add two, three, or five meanings to every word I write. Doubt nothing that I say, for doubt is the Devil's mead. Think, if you have brains to think, and use your imagination if you have one. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- uXu #610 Underground eXperts United 2002 uXu #610 Call THE YOUNG GODS -> +351-1XX-XXXXX ---------------------------------------------------------------------------